Thoughts In the Life of Me.

My heart dropped into an achy feeling today as I saw you walking by. I tried to ignore your very existence but we both know we can only pretend on the outside. You didn’t see me. I wished so badly that it could have been the other way around and that I was the one who hadn’t seen you. But I guess God doesn’t let me have the easy way out. It was so hard to watch you as you walked on by, just going about your day. Knowing I couldn’t just run up to you and tell you “Hi” and give that huge smile I get whenever I see you. I wonder if you know how this feels. To sit there with your tea and watch the person you love so much go by you innocently in slow motion. It went by so slow, as if time were purposely engraining the stills of your steps into my head. Just like every time before.

I read your old letters today, and for the first time, I felt God speak to me through the verses you used to write to me, and for us. I had been so blinded by the man I’ve known the last 9 months, and forgotten about the man I had known and met before we caved. That, that man is who you are. A man of God. A man who knows he’s a sinner and humbles himself before our powerful and jealous God. I know that man, and I’ve seen him before. Where did he go? I hope one day you truly find him again. You are a child of God in this war driven world. Find the beauty in that. Find your sanctuary in God, nothing else.

Lord, I ask you to reveal yourself to this person. Make yourself known through him. Help him find You in the darkest corners of himself. Protect him under your wing.